Girl Band, Gravity Capture

Page 32

His movements were somewhat stiff, not as natural as when he had instinctively comforted Nagasaki Motoyo with a hug just moments before.

After all, it was a completely new experience for Yuan Xudou to take the initiative to hug a peer of the opposite sex. He was a normal, vigorous young man, and he would react appropriately when he was nervous.

He hadn't paid much attention to those things just now, focused on comforting the girl. But now, free from those motives, he embraced Nagasaki Motoyo's soft, boneless, and fragrant body once more…

Going a little higher, he could even touch the girl's "heavy" weight, which was far beyond what her peers possessed.

As if sensing that Yuan Xudou's hand on her waist was slightly tense, the girl gently placed her fingertips on it and massaged the back of his hand and forearm.

“…Finish what you were saying, Su Shi.”

Yuan Xudou adjusted his breathing, suppressed his instinctive agitation, and allowed his body to slowly get used to the feeling.

Once his muscles had relaxed and he regained his composure, the boy spoke earnestly.

"You joined the band because of me."

“I don’t want the band’s affairs to make you feel so uncomfortable that you need to do something like that to make up for it.”

"Tell me everything in your heart... okay?"

He could feel the powerful beating of the boy's heart coming from his back, and through the barrier of muscles and skin, the two heartbeats slowly merged into one.

The clear evening breeze couldn't penetrate their tightly pressed bodies, which were pressed together without any gap between them; it could only swirl around them, forming a curtain of wind that blocked out the outside world. At this moment, the balcony where the two were located seemed to have been divided into another world, quietly independent of everything else, leaving only the two of them embracing.

Nagasaki Motoyo gradually tightened her grip on the boy's hand.

"I'm so scared... Xu Dou."

A confused and hollow voice drifted quietly from her mouth.

"Forming a band with everyone is such a happy thing, and it's even happier to have a shared goal with you..."

"But the thought of you becoming that close to other girls... terrifies me."

"Am I a troublesome woman? I come to your house every night, send you a lot of messages after class, and always pester you to chat... It must be very tiring to deal with someone like me."

"But, Xu Doujun, you've never complained and have always treated me so gently... But that's not because I'm special, but because I'm the only one who's done that, right?"

"If one day, someone else, someone better, takes my place."

"...I can no longer stay by your side..."

Nagasaki Motoyo nestled into the boy's arms, pouring out all her fears and anxieties.

"Today it's Xiangzi, tomorrow it will become Deng, Mu, or even Lixi?... I don't want to doubt anyone, but I can't help but wonder..."

"If, truly, someone more important replaces me..."

"—That day will never come."

Yuan Xudou, in an unquestionable tone, brought her unfinished words to a halt.

Even if you think that way, Su Shi... I will not give up on CryCHIC.

"……Um."

Nagasaki Motoyo's eyes dimmed slightly.

But then, the boy's firm promise made the lake water shine with a faint light again.

"The same goes, I won't give up on you."

“Not as a band member, but just as ‘Nagasaki Motoyo’… No one can take your place.”

“You, Xiangzi… and the other members, none of them can replace each other.”

Even if I really have to face that choice... I will never give up on you.

Chapter 41 Only thinking of herself, Su Shi

As soon as the words fell, the air around the two of them became quiet, as if the audience was holding their breath and watching the stage intently at the climax of a play, giving all their attention and lights to the performance, waiting for the waves to surge beneath the curtain.

After a long silence, Nagasaki Motoyo broke the silence with a complex tone.

“Xu Doujun…”

"...Saying that sounds a bit like a jerk."

Although she said this, her voice sounded more like a cheerful joke than a dissatisfied disdain.

"..."

Yuan Xudou remained silent for a while before responding in a sullen tone.

"I am aware of this."

Nagasaki Motoyo likes him, and even without saying it aloud, he can clearly feel it in their daily interactions.

It's impossible for a girl to put on light makeup every morning to go to school with someone she has no feelings for, stay at their house every night, and even engage in intimate physical contact from time to time.

Yuan Xudou is not oblivious to emotions; on the contrary, he is quite sensitive to the thoughts and intentions of most people, to the point that he can almost tell the other person's attitude and general thoughts at a glance.

However... just because you can see it doesn't mean you know how to deal with it.

In his original life plan, there was absolutely no such thing as "having a relationship with a girl with the intention of marriage in the third year of junior high school." However, Nagasaki Motoyo, who entered his life, clearly had such thoughts.

If he truly accepted her feelings completely, Nagasaki Motoyo would definitely continue to follow him through the three years of high school, date and get engaged, get married at lightning speed when they both turned eighteen, and then stick together like glue for the rest of their lives... She was absolutely capable of doing such a thing.

Although it sounds great, it deviates far too much from his expectations.

Yuan Xudou has no plans to find his life partner at the age of fifteen.

Just a few months ago, he was planning to study abroad in high school to experience the scenery and culture of foreign countries. To this end, he took the YCT (Chinese Proficiency Test for Young People) and IELTS, taught himself Latin languages, and worked to improve his communication skills.

Then, in March and April of his third year of junior high school, something happened in just a few weeks that completely shattered his plans.

I wasn't prepared to form deep connections with anyone, but the threads of fate spontaneously pulled me together, inexplicably linking the most suitable people together.

Yuan Xudou has never had the experience of liking anyone in the past, but he does not reject this feeling that wells up from his heart. It is a feeling that is both strange and warm.

That's why he and Nagasaki Motoyo maintained this unspoken understanding, neither of them taking the initiative to say the word "like," leaving their relationship hovering between "friends" and "lovers."

Even today, the girl, unable to bear the loneliness in her heart, followed him and did something that absolutely did not belong to the category of "friends," breaking the boundary of their subtle sense of distance.

If only she could have done it earlier, before Genjiro Toru decided to make the band his life's purpose, before Toyokawa Shoko hooked her arm around his neck and made the promise to "become family"...

However, there are no "what ifs." The fact is, he has developed feelings for CryCHIC and is unwilling to give up on any member of the band. He hopes that the band can become, as Toyokawa Shoko said, a "community of shared destiny," a true family, and ultimately, realize their shared dream, perform at the Budokan, and convey their heartfelt cries to everyone.

So even though he knew that Nagasaki Motoyo harbored a love and possessiveness for him that she couldn't live without, and didn't want to see him get too close to the other girls in the band, Genji Koto had no way to put her mind at ease.

Moreover, the boy knew very well that he had no right to say that he was a devoted person... Although the two had not established a relationship, he could not remain indifferent to Xiangzi's feelings, knowing that Su Shi liked him.

"...If you can't accept it, I respect your opinion."

"Whether you think it's despicable or you think you misjudged the person..."

His gentle and calm tone was unusually tinged with guilt.

Gen Xudou felt that he had indeed let Nagasaki Motoyo down to some extent.

I will not ask you to accept my ideas.

After explaining everything, he gently released his grip on the girl's waist.

Then, Nagasaki Motoyo grasped her wrist tightly and gently put it back in its original position.

“Xu Doujun…”

A low, ethereal voice, as if suppressing some emotion, came from the girl in front of him.

Do you feel sorry for me?

Instead of stating whether she accepted Yuan Xudou's idea, she asked another question.

Behind the girl, Yuan Xudou couldn't see the expression on her face. Her voice was deliberately suppressed and muffled, but the soft hands that gripped his wrists seemed to be trembling.

Was she disappointed in him? Or was she sad and angry that her feelings had been betrayed?

Yuan Xudou couldn't tell what the girl was feeling at that moment. He could only sense that the soft, voluptuous body in his arms seemed to be heating up at an alarming rate, and the strength with which she gripped his hand was increasing.

He hesitated for a moment, then gave a soft "hmm".

"...That's it."

Nagasaki Motoyo lowered her head amidst ambiguous murmurs.

The pale cheeks, which he thought should be tinged with sadness, flushed an unnatural red, hidden by the shadows of the night and his long brown hair.

Suppressing the urge to smile, the girl's lips curled into a strange smile.

—I'm so happy.

It should be saddening to hear someone you like openly express "I won't only like you"... But feeling the boy's guilt because of you, a sense of satisfaction and joy welled up inside you, as if it were about to explode.

This is definitely not the kind of thinking a normal person would have... but Nagasaki Motoyo just couldn't help feeling this twisted pleasure.

Because Xu Doujun said she felt sorry for herself—wasn't that the best proof that she had been longing for and was being needed?

Ultimately... perhaps Xu Dou, the originator, also likes someone else. The real unacceptable thing is that he doesn't like me back, or that he has fallen for someone else.

Only when she cares about the other person will she feel guilty about her actions... As long as she feels guilty, she will always have a place in the boy's heart.

Nagasaki Motoyo could vaguely sense that her current thoughts were very morbid.

If she can accept sharing a future with others, she should tell the boy directly and then take the opportunity to take advantage of him before others do; if she cannot accept it, she should refuse directly and part ways amicably, without tarnishing those beautiful memories—that's what a normal person would do.

Instead of what she's doing now, having already accepted it in her heart but deliberately not giving a clear answer because she wants to hear more of the boy's unusual, exciting words that make her feel down.

But... Nagasaki Motoyo just really, really wanted to do it, and couldn't stop herself from doing it.

Having grown up in a family that began to fall apart, and lacking positive emotional feedback from close friends and family for a long time, the girl's heart had long been twisted into something different from that of a normal person. As a result, as long as she saw the slightest chance to gain the sincerity of someone she liked, even if all she got in return was guilt, she would want more.

'...I might just be a selfish woman with a wicked nature.'

'But at least, just today... no, just tonight, let me be willful just this once... Xu Dou-jun...'

Chapter 42 I can accept falling into the abyss with you.

"Xu Doujun, have you ever been in a relationship?"

"No."

He's never even had a crush, let alone been in a relationship, and he's never even seen any related entertainment. Yuan Xudou's entire understanding of love comes from the couples he sees on the street.

Generally speaking, there are two types—those who are all lovey-dovey and inseparable, and those who tear each other apart and hurl insults. However, since the behavior of those couples is quite easy to understand, he actually has a pretty good idea of ​​how to date.

"Hmm~ So, you want to be with a few people the first time..."

"...It hasn't come to that point yet."

He only said he wouldn't give up the band for a girl, but he never said he was going to have casual relationships with everyone in the band.

...At most, Xiangzi could be considered one.

"That--"

As the conversation continued, Nagasaki Motoyo's delight became increasingly undisguised and overflowing.

Realizing that the girl in his arms didn't seem to be in a negative mood as he had thought, and even sounded somewhat cheerful, Gen Xudou was puzzled for a moment before finally asking in a low voice.

"Su Shi, aren't you angry?"

Based on his experience with couples he'd seen on the street, infidelity—even if the relationship wasn't quite dating yet, which is a bit of a stretch—was often a taboo that could cause a couple to break up on the spot, or even come to blows.

Although his actions didn't go that far, Nagasaki Motoyo didn't seem disappointed at all after finding out... He was still a little puzzled.

Faced with the boy's question, Nagasaki Motoyo, knowing that her feelings had been completely exposed, gently shook her head, no longer suppressing her joy, and gave a tender response.

"I never said I couldn't accept Xu Doujun's ideas."

"After all... we're the same in that we both like everyone in the band."

"Knowing that Xu Doujun won't abandon me for anyone else is enough."

"only……"

That kind of tolerance and understanding was all feigned.

Nagasaki Motoyo could accept it, but how could she not feel any resentment at all? She was the one who arrived first, yet she had to make way for someone else's happiness... Even the gentlest person wouldn't be completely unmoved by this.