When the weirdness comes to the world, death is the end

Chapter 219

My life was originally a stagnant pool of water. Formulas, letters and endless test papers were the silt at the bottom of the water, and my mother's monitoring and control were the boulders pressing on the surface of the water.

But Gu Zhiyi was like a star that fell into the water, breaking the silence of the stagnant water and letting me see the sky above the water for the first time. I longed to catch that starlight, even if the road ahead was unknown, even if I would be crushed by the boulders, even if I would fall into the silt, I would not hesitate.

The college entrance examination was over.

Gu Zhiyi and I both reached the admission score line of Ocean University.

My mother secretly changed my wishes.

..........

At that moment, my world seemed to collapse in an instant.

My mother applied for a university in the city for me. She still didn't want me to leave her sight. She wanted to control my life until one of us died.

When I got home, I, who had never dared to disobey my mother, had an unprecedented quarrel with her.

I couldn't organize the words to accuse her of what I thought were wrong things she had done over the years. I stuttered, I couldn't say swear words, I was so embarrassed that my face turned red, and I used the loudest voice just to express my intention.

I must change my choice. If it's too late, I would rather repeat a year.

It doesn't matter if I have to suffer for another year. I want to go to Q City, I want to escape from the cage, I want to find my light.

My mother would definitely not agree. She was even very surprised. When did this "little dog" who had always been submissive and obedient to her have the idea of ​​resisting?

She began to scold me loudly, accusing me of having no conscience, calling me an ungrateful white-eyed wolf, and questioning me: "I gave birth to you and raised you for more than ten years, just to let you leave me and go to college in another place?"

We couldn't communicate normally at all. I was exhausted physically and mentally, and didn't want to say another word. I called Qingyun out.

Then, I started to protest by hunger strike.

..........

This struggle lasted for three whole days. Hunger made me fuzzy. I dreamed that I was watching the sunrise with Zhiyi at the beach, but I could only see Zhiyi's profile because I had never seen the sea and couldn't imagine it.

People can go without food for a long time, but they can't live without water.

This struggle lasted until that night. With only a trace of will to survive, I pushed open the door and prepared to go to the toilet to find water.

I saw my mother lying on the sofa in the living room, holding half a bottle of sleeping pills tightly in her hand.

..........

My mother's original family was not happy. Her grandparents valued boys over girls, and forced her to go out to work to supplement the family income when she graduated from high school.

She was a stubborn and strong person. She would not change her mind easily. She wanted to go to college.

Her family cut off her living expenses, and she cut off contact with her family and worked to support her schooling.

But the result was that she couldn't do both at all, and finally failed to complete her studies smoothly.

Later, she met her father, who she called a bad person.

Before I was conscious, my parents had divorced, and I had never seen my father.

My mother often told me that half of her life was ruined by her parents and half by her partner. She now lives for me and I am her only hope.

There is no doubt that she loves me, but this love is too heavy for me to bear.

..........

Not long after taking the medicine, I sent my mother to the hospital and she was rescued.

Qingyun told me not to continue to be willful. My mother is doing it for my good. As long as I listen to her, I will definitely pursue happiness.

I compromised.

There is no choice.

My mother used her life as a shackle to tie me to her side again.

..........

I overlooked one thing.

During the days when I was starving, the birds I raised were also starving with me.

When I found the bird's nest built with simple cardboard under the bed, I found that Xiaoqing had been dead for a long time.

It should have been flying in the sky, but it died in a dark corner.

It's all my fault.

..........

I sent Zhiyi to the train station.

The sky was gloomy, and the rain and fog were drifting away.

The green train came slowly from afar with a harsh "squeak" sound, and finally stopped steadily in front of us.

Zhiyi asked me: "Do you have anything to say to me?"

I lowered my head, not daring to look into her eyes: "Have a good trip."

She came up and gave me a gentle hug.

Time seemed to stand still, and my thoughts involuntarily drifted back to that equally cloudy afternoon. The breeze gently blew her hair, and the strands of hair floated to the tip of my nose.

It smelled fresh and good, like a gardenia blooming in summer.

I stood blankly on the platform, looking at the train carrying my youth.The train of spring and dreams slowly, slowly disappeared in the mist in the distance until it could no longer be seen.

From then on, we were separated by silence, and the spring mountains were as dark as ink and the grass was as smoky as smoke.

..........

My mother died of a heart attack in my senior year.

She worked hard all her life, but she still didn't enjoy my blessing.

I asked the guide for leave to go home and take care of my mother's funeral.

She was strong and powerful all her life, but she was finally placed in a narrow box.

I held the box in my hands, standing on the familiar street, but I seemed to be lost at the crossroads of life, and I didn't know where to go.

..........

I don't know since when, the taste of happiness is missing in milk tea, and sitting on a bench in the park in a daze can't calm me down.

I am like a walking corpse, with no hobbies, no desire to socialize, and less and less willing to face the world.

Most of the time, Qingyun is living for me.

..........

After graduating from college, Qingyun and I had a disagreement.

I want to be a teacher. I want to see other people's youth, which will make me feel alive.

Qingyun disagreed. He said to me, if I don't stand out and achieve a great career, what's the point of suffering in the first half of my life?

I thought about it. From childhood to adulthood, whenever I didn't want to listen to my mother's preaching, it was Qingyun who took everything for me.

I can't be so selfish.

I said: It's up to you.

..........

I locked myself in this body and watched my life like a third party.

I watched Qingyun enter a big company with his academic qualifications, watched him being excluded by colleagues because he was not good at communicating with others, and watched him not being appreciated by his superiors because he didn't know how to deal with people.

As the days passed, Qingyun's situation in the company became more and more difficult.

Working overtime until late at night became the norm, and pressure was always there, but he still stubbornly insisted, trying to make a name for himself in this cruel workplace.

And I, trapped in this body, watched all this indifferently.

The few colors that were already there gradually faded, and life was left with only monotonous gray.

Finally, he was tired.

Qingyun asked me, he did everything his mother said, why was he still so tired?

I said: I don't know.

I was full of guilt.

Compared to Qingyun, at least I still grasped a moment of happiness, while Qingyun only faced his mother's preaching.